Electric Feel- Katy Perry

March 29, 2011


Today was a pretty good day. I got a chance to go to bible study, which was so great. It is amazing to see God working in and through the lives of these girls. I am so glad that I have the opportunity to share life with them, they are so encouraging and all-around beautiful people.


Tune-age: Electric Feel
I thoroughly enjoy this song done by its original artist (MGMT), but I just love Katy's voice and the acoustics in this version. There is something deeper and more emotional about the song minus the electronic sounds. It seems so much more meaningful, like every word is a plea of sorts.


I have no idea what it is with me and songs that don't make lyrical sense, but I sure do know how to pick them. I think I am just going to run with the "electric" part of this song. There are times where I feel like I need a shock to really start experiencing life. Now, it's not to say that life isn't good, but isn't it refreshing sometimes to feel some sort of current? Something that pushes you in a direction? It can be anything, it can be a someone, it can be a comment, but most of the time, it's unexpected. 


Surprises. Not all good at first, but even with the ones that kind of suck, your life takes on an entirely new "feel." A shock to the mundane forces you to move in some way. You can't experience a jolt of energy, that something unexpected and not DO anything. At least, I can't. I think it's in those moments we can find out a little about our character. Am I going to take this in stride and see it as something potentially great and life altering? OR am I going to shut down and short circuit (oh, puns).


Just a thought. And I just love her voice with this song.


Psalm NINETEEN
Hmph. Well, I was trying to figure out where David was headed with this one, when I read verses twelve through fourteen:



"How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
      Cleanse me from these hidden faults.
Keep your servant from deliberate sins!
      Don’t let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt
      and innocent of great sin.
May the words of my mouth
      and the meditation of my heart
   be pleasing to you,
      O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."


How can I know all the sins in my heart? This is something I really need to pray about. I have been struggling recently with matters of the heart. How many times have people told me to "follow your heart" and how good of advice is that? Things I want, aren't necessarily the best things for me. I have talked about a depravity that is heavy on my, well, heart these days. Wanting to be wanted. Inherently not a bad thing, we're made for relationships, but it's how that desire is manifesting itself in my life that's corrosive.


It's kind of a hard thing realizing that my heart is wicked, especially when He knows what those desires are. I am kind of confused on the whole subject. God, You know what I want, but You also know that my heart is deceitful.

Jeremiah 17:9 (The Message): Sin Dios

The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
   a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
   and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
   I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,
   not as they pretend to be."


Vs.

Psalm 37:3-5 (New International Version): Con Dios

Trust in the LORD and do good;
   dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 
Take delight in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.


I think the disconnect is when I make my desires my idols. That, He puts passions inside of me, so that He can be glorified by my life. I think the balance comes in when I try to align my desires as hopes and dreams, not as expectations. I don't deserve anything good, but I am blessed beyond all reason. God, I pray that I can focus on the person who puts the desires there, instead of the desires themselves. I may not see, the entire messed up motivation behind why I do what I do, but I hope that I can see you. 

"May the words of my mouth

      and the meditation of my heart
   be pleasing to you,
      O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

Electric Feel

Let It Be- Carol Woods and Timothy T. Mitchum

March 28, 2011

R-O-U-G-H day.

Let It Be

It's going to be my mantra for a while...again. It seems that while following a pattern of putting myself out there only to get the same results, would make me legitimately nutzo. I keep expecting a different outcome, knowing that nothing is going to change. It's a hard thing to realize, and even harder to let go. So, I find some solace in this song.

Let it be. Three simple words, added up only made up of seven letters, but boy, taking a hold of the meaning would completely change my state of mind. I hope that I can, just let whatever it is go, but it seems almost impossible. I hate that I am still talking about this, that it is that much apart of my life. That wherever I go, I can't turn off the wheels in my head that are spinning. It's even harder when you know in your heart of hearts that forgetting is the BEST alternative. 

That being said, good thing there are a lot of trees on this here planet.

Psalm 18

This Psalm was the longest one to date, but I really liked just reading it. Over and over again I am struck by how amazing His love for me is. 

There is a word in the first set of verses that make me envision something cool, but unusual when it comes to thinking about God. In the Message translation of this Psalm, the word crag is used. Now, to be incredibly honest, the reason I have some semblance  of a definition for the word crag is from watching Nickelodeon's GUTZ. There are several spry kids, from different countries, who would compete in a series of somewhat ridiculous, but oh-so-challenging physical and/or mental tasks. At the end, really what all the challenges amounted to was your position on "The Agro-Crag", which simply put, was the most intimidating mound of fake rocks that a tween had ever encountered. Contestants would shudder internally, but rise above and shine. This, crag, was the defining moment. 

Now all of this really long, drawn out explanation of what I see when I read the word crag, is that David says: 

"My God—the high crag 

      where I run for dear life,
      hiding behind the boulders,
      safe in the granite hideout"
Take that super intense, amazingly strong Agro-Crag, and turn it into protection. Not a mountain of fear, but of refuge. God, is big, and that's very understated. God, can seem really intimidating and kind of overwhelming, but all of this, out of all the things we don't understand, we can take heart in the fact that He is for us. He is the "bedrock" of where we put our faith, hopes, dreams, fears, regrets. 


David goes on throughout the Psalm talking of the things that get him down. Yes, in true songwriter's fashion, he plays up the dramatics and eloquently discusses his fears and enemies, but all the while he is acknowledging the greatness and hugeness of God. It's truly a wonderful depiction of how awesome He is. It's encouraging and edifying. A great thing about the Bible, and especially they Old Testament (I think at least), is that you get to see a different side of God's character. I love the promise and hope that the New Testament offers, but in the Old Testament, you can see God working, all the while. Seeing people's faith back then, is that much more refreshing. Jesus was God walking among us, the Holy Spirit is God in us, and in the Old Testament is God setting up to fulfill all of His promises. Three wonderful parts of an equally wonderful God.


The thing about this Psalm, is that there are days when I need to sit back and bask in the greatness of God and see over and over that He's got it. He's got me. 


"Live, God! Blessings from my Rock,
      my free and freeing God, towering!
   This God set things right for me
      and shut up the people who talked back.
   He rescued me from enemy anger,
      he pulled me from the grip of upstarts,
   He saved me from the bullies.
That's why I'm thanking you, God,
      all over the world.
   That's why I'm singing songs
      that rhyme your name.
   God's king takes the trophy;
      God's chosen is beloved.
   I mean David and all his children—
      always." (Psalm 18: 46-50)


Let It Be

Love Lost- The Temper Trap

March 27, 2011

Back in Boone. Sad, but excited all at the same time. He's so great, and music is wonderful.

Love Lost

Oh boy. This song, albeit infectious, is unfortunately the way I am living my life. It's unfortunate because I should have let this go so daggum long ago. The poor proverbial dead horse has been beaten, repeatedly. It has been tarred and feathered and drug through the street. It has been quartered and ground up for dog food. It has been scientifically regenerated so that it can go through the ringer three or four more times. I guess the moral of the story is either I'm super persistent and it will pay off, or I am in for a lot of hurt and wall building.

But, on a less dramatic note, the song is really great. I listened to it on repeat for about half of my drive back from Nashville. I think one of my favorite parts of the song is "I promise." I think it's because I'm looking for that sort of security. I promise I'll take care of you. I promise I care about you. I promise you'll be safe. I promise. I haven't been in this predicament before, but it's a tough one to get out of. 

Seeing someone for who they are. The good and the bad, and pulling for the greatness you know is there. Selfishly, wanting to be the reason they step up, and cynically telling yourself it will never turn out that way. I want this song to come into fruition with a hopeful heart, but my head is all fuddled. 

"Our love was lost, but now we've found it.

In the rubble are all the things

That you've, you've been dreaming of

Keep me in mind

When you're ready

I am here 

To take you every time"

Oh to be twenty and a silly girl. Take your best shot.

Psalm 17

I have kind of been struggling with my prayers recently. I was talking to Amo about this today, there are days where I feel like I am just talking to no one. I mean, I have faith that He is there and that He is listening, but why? I don't have a ton of important things to say. I have my fair share of upsets in the day, but nothing too note worthy. I definitely don't have armies and scary fathers-in-law after me like David.

But then I think, You do listen. All the time, to everything. No matter how ridiculous, small, angry, judgmental, happy, thankful thing I have to say. I am just reminded that You do care and that when You're silent "You are listening, not abandoning" (Bradley Hathaway Silence). And although my enemies may not seem as intimidating and immediate as David's, they are totally out there. Maybe not as much in people, as in temptations.

In Matthew, Jesus teaches the disciples how to go about praying. Not in a theatrical way, as to draw attention, but in a quiet place to focus on the conversation. God, I'm not trying to show off how great at praying I am, but I do need a little help. I know You're there, but at times it would be so reassuring to feel You. I can spurt out cerebral things about You, but it's those times where I am so sure of You, that seem to be lacking. Gah, get me out of my own way. 

Prayer via David (The MSG):

"And me? I plan on looking

      you full in the face. When I get up,

   I'll see your full stature

      and live heaven on earth." Psalm 17: 15

Love Lost

Skinny Love (Das Kapital Rerub)- Bon Iver

March 24-26, 2011

I didn't get a chance to post last night because I am currently in Nashville, Tn. I love this place with my whole heart, and I love the girl who resides here exponentially more! Famous Amos, Amo, or just good ole Amy Lynn. She's one of my best friends and I am so glad that I only live five hours from her, as opposed to the dreadful ten I was last semester. It's been a journey, but I am so thankful that she's in my life, in a big way. Gah! She has no idea how much she means to me. I love you Amo. There are so many things that I am grateful for, that I see in my best friend. She loves in her own way, and those who get to experience her just being herself are few. I am so glad that God has put her in my life, and I hope that we're together for a long time. She better be thinking long term, I've got just the spot for her in my weddin party.

I love you so much Amy Ergle, thank you for letting me be your friend and sleep on your couch. 

Skinny Love (re-re-remix)

This is the remix of Bon Iver's "Skinny Love." I really really like the original, but this one really grows on you after a while. I wasn't sure how I felt about it the first couple times I heard it, but after about my tenth listen, I can't get the beat out of my head. Bum..chh..bum bum...ch. I heard this on Morgan Cogswell's mixtapes, and immediately wanted more and more Bon Iver. Unfortunately for me, I don't have the cash flow for acquiring such things. 

Anywho...the lyrics. The song is off an album that is written for a specific person. (oh to have an album written about me, that may be a scary thing) But there are a couple verses that I really like. 

I was talking with someone about this song and I told them that these lyrics didn't make much sense to me, and he replied with "well they mean something to Bon Iver." I think that's one of the most inadvertently enlightened things I have ever heard. Why? So many times we write off what people say when we don't understand. Just because we have no clue what they mean by what they say, doesn't mean that it isn't important to them or worth listening to. And on that note, how many important things have we let go of or not heard because we were too wrapped up to understand.

The most profound things can come from the most random of places, we just have to be listening closely enough to see their merit.

Psalms 14-16

I was in Nashville this weekend so I didn't really get the chance to write, so I am playing catch up on three Psalms. I am not sure how this is going to go down, but let's see what He does.

14

Psalm 14 is pretty ballsy of David, if I do say so myself. He is attacking the people (believers) around him, and he's not holding back. He's saying that they are trying to be their own gods, the makers of their own destiny. I've said it before, but when i plan my life away, where is there room for God to be Lord of my life...There isn't. But as bleak as David makes it look for those who are not following God's words or even acknowledging that He is speaking to them, He tells those of faith that God's got everything under control. "Is there anyone to save Israel?"

"Yes. God is around, God turns life around.

Turned-around Jacob skips rope.

Turned-around Israel sings laughter." (Psalm 14: 7 The MSG)

Fifteen

David seems to like the party analogy, because he uses it again here. He is asking how to get invited to God's sweet shindig, I don't know who wouldn't want to be invited to that. The next few verses go on to outline what a life lived for God should look like.

 "Walk straight,
      act right,
         tell the truth. Don't hurt your friend,
      don't blame your neighbor;
         despise the despicable. Keep your word even when it costs you,
      make an honest living,
         never take a bribe."

These are all pretty simple things to do, but I do want to reiterate that a life lived like this is one of proof. Proof that I am loved by an amazing savior. We mess up, He knows that, but He calls us to be better than this world. He calls us to be His, and with His help we are. Loved until the ends of time.

Diez y seis

Psalm fifteen was a good segue into Psalm sixteen. David just talked about what a life lived with Him should look like, and goes on to sing about the greatness of the God that loves him.

He is basking in awe of God and what He has done and what He means in his own life. "Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing." Have ever just sat back and been in complete and utter awe of God? Why, yes. Do I do it enough...probably not. If I did, I would smile more and be bolder. Looking at God with eyes that see Him as limitless, really changes how you see day-to-day life. 

Putting Him in a box not only makes Him smaller, but you more unhappy. And living the opposite...well that would just look amazing, full of opportunity, and allows you to see the littlest glimpse of how intense He is.

"I will bless the Lord who guides me;

      even at night my heart instructs me.
 I know the Lord is always with me.

      I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.
      My body rests in safety.
 ¹⁰ For you will not leave my soul among the dead
      or allow your holy one to rot in the grave.
 ¹¹ You will show me the way of life,
      granting me the joy of your presence

      and the pleasures of living with you forever" (Psalm 16: 7-11 NLT)

I'm going to Heaven!

Skinny Love-Rerub

Come Thou Fount- David Crowder

March 23, 2011


It's going to be a long night, but a productive one. It's 11:26 p.m. and I'm just starting to chip away at my work. I'm going to take a break from the Psalms today, I just kind of want to talk about what was discussed in RUF, I'm still going to read Psalm 13, but I kind of want to just talk about what's on my heart too. Then I have a rather large amount of homework to get done.


Come Thou Fount/ Thoughts/ And a tie in of Psalm Thirteen 
Who doesn't love this song? And how long has it been around? Of course to answer these questions I am going to the most reliable source on the interweb, wikipedia, duh. It was written by Robert Robinson (real clever name, eh) who was a Gospel Pastor, in 1757. There's a story surrounding the song and its writer. Robert Robinson was a devout follower of Jesus, but as his life a pastor progressed he ran further and further from God. He wanted to start living his life for Robert and not for God, so he went to the place where he could live without any restraints...Gay Paree. 


Robert squandered away his life and love with bad choices and women of questionable morals, until one day he was riding around town with a woman. This woman could have been an employee of the red-light district or just a friend of Robert's. Either way she was humming the tune to "Come Thou Fount." At this point in his life, he thought he had gone pretty far from God, to the point that he was a lost cause. The woman asked him if he'd ever heard the song, he said that he was the one who had written it, and that he longed to be back in a position where that song could apply. The woman quoted "streams of mercy, never ceasing" and told Robert that His streams of mercy were still flowing and were in Paris just waiting on Robert to notice.


Now, mind you, this account may or may not be true, but it goes along with an important thing that I was able to rerealize; repentance is what our lives are defined as. I am definitely not going to take any of the credit for the words that will follow, so thank you Matt and thank You, God, for speaking to me everyday in so many ways.


Thoughts...
There are a lot of things that are out of my control, but control is something I think we all struggle and strive for. Over the littlest things, whatever we can. I think, for me, it's an effort to save myself. If I decide to do things my way, at least I am the one who is to blame. I messed up, I didn't do the right thing, I'm the one who has to fix whatever. There's a lot of me in those assumptions and not a lot of God.  It's by He, and He alone that I am here and that I am saved. If I was the one in charge of salvation I, for the lack of a better term, would be screwed. I think the more I make attempts at "fixing" things, just make things worse. 


Thank goodness for a savior. I heard that "Sin is man (Annie-Grace) substituting himself (myself) for God" and "Salvation is God substituting Himself for man (Annie-Grace)"...umm WOW. The control I take over my life is me telling God that "Hey, I can figure this out a little better than You can." Which, I can honestly say, could be no further from the truth. I am so glad that I have a Savior whose affections never alter in fervor. I am I letting Him be the Lord of my life? I sure hope so. 


I think it goes back to what I wrote about a couple days ago, do I believe that Jesus is who He says He is? If I do, how would that manifest itself in my life? What would I look like? I realize we have responsibilities, but we are not the makers and perfecters of our salvation, He is. And how much pressure does that relieve? A TON! I can be 100% secure in the fact that my life is with Him, that out of His love and goodness He died for me. Knowing that I mess up...a significant amount. That kind of love, unconditional, is hard to comprehend, but I want to take hold of it. 


Living a life in that love can completely change how I view Him and my faith. Matt said something tonight that really struck a chord, "I am not obedient to be saved, but my obedience is PROOF I am saved."So, my repentance is not out of guilt, but out of knowing that I will be accepted back into His arms, every. single. time.


God, I want to love You like this, and hold onto the fact that You love me like this. I want to thank You for always having Your ams wide, wide open when I come running home.


Psalm 13: 5-6 (NLT)
⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love.
      I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
 ⁶ I will sing to the Lord
      because he is good to me


Come Thou Fount

Too Dramatic- Ra Ra Riot

March 22, 2011


My teeth hurt a lot, so I'm sticking to softer foods. It's kind of a limiting diet and it's getting old real fast. I'm popping ibuprofen like it's candy, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. I am getting into my labs a lot, so I am glad for that source of motivation. 


Too Dramatic- aka what I have been the past few days
It's true, I have been way too melodramatic the past four or five days. The littlest things make me feel like my world is crashing down. I know it's a problem because, well, I've noticed it as a problem. I know that there are things that can get me down, and I am my worst critic. I think pretty much everyone can relate, but there are so many more important things. So what my hair is incredibly short, at least I have/ had hair to chop off. And braces, I'm done pity partying with those things. They were self-inflicted because I didn't like the gap in my teeth, at least I have parents that are willing to pay for them. 


I literally don't have to worry about anything. I am so undeniably blessed, but all I can focus on is the things that are going wrong or that I am not fond of. I'm too dramatic. Here I go again, turning over that leaf again. Good thing there are lots of forests, I have a feeling I'll be turning over a lot more before I'm through.


Thanks for that. Adios theatrics!


Psalm 12
I am not sure if what I am about to write is necessarily what David had in mind when he was writing this, but this is what I am taking. People choose their words carefully, and that isn't a bad thing at all. But when words are calculated, that's where I feel the sin can creep up. I am so guilty of this!


Sarcasm, wit, just trying to sound intelligent. How many times have my words gotten me into trouble. And even more, how many times have I rethought sentences to make myself look like I am a cut above the rest, verbally? And how many times have You warned against it? I use words to hide behind, words to make myself feel better, use words to make people feel worse, use them in an effort to make someone laugh. I wonder the percentage of the time my words are used for edifying and encouraging. I don't want to be saved by my wit or by my words, the words that did that were "it is finished" and it is. Thank You.


His words, on the other hand, is "flawless." And even better than that His Word, saved us. Since the beginning the Word was there, and will be forever and ever. 


Words are powerful things, sometimes even more powerful than we could ever imagine. We have the ability to uplift or tear down. To glorify ourselves, or to sing of His glory forever. What do my words say about me, what to they say about Him? 



^"18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
   but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
 ¹⁹Truthful lips endure forever,
   but a lying tongue lasts only a moment." Proverbs 12: 18-19


Too Dramatic

Laundry Room- The Avett Brothers

March 21, 2011


Laundry Room
The Avett Brothers are one of those bands that every song they make is great. I have three of their albums and each one is a wonderful compilation of songs. Their sounds is unique and their lyrics are fun. And this song in particular kind of shows where I feel I have been before. 


"Last night I dreamt the whole night long
I awoke with a head full of songs
I spent the whole day
I wrote 'em down, but it's a shame
Tonight I'll burn the lyrics
'Cause every chorus was your name"


Trying to get that one person out of your head is hard to do. Taking it day by day makes it easier, though. 


Psalm 11
This one ends great "Once we're standing tall, we can look Him straight in the eye" (The Message). He's the one that sets us right and He's the one who puts us in that position to be able to look at Him.


This Psalm is telling of God's character and I really enjoy the break from David. God is just, He loves, and He Is our strength. I can't think of a better way to write it than David did, and I just want to go back and reread it.


 ¹IN THE Lord I take refuge [and put my trust]; how can you say to me, Flee like a bird to your mountain?
    ²For see, the wicked are bending the bow; they make ready their arrow upon the string, that they [furtively] in darkness may shoot at the upright in heart.
    ³If the foundations are destroyed, what can the [unyieldingly] righteous do, or what has He [the Righteous One] wrought or accomplished?
    ⁴The Lord is in His holy temple; the Lord's throne is in heaven. His eyes behold; His eyelids test and prove the children of men.
    ⁵The Lord tests and proves the [unyieldingly] righteous, but His soul abhors the wicked and him who loves violence.
    ⁶Upon the wicked He will rain quick burning coals or snares; fire, brimstone, and a [dreadful] scorching wind shall be the portion of their cup.
    ⁷For the Lord is [rigidly] righteous, He loves righteous deeds; the upright shall behold His face, or He beholds the upright. (Psalm 11 Amplified Bible)


Laundry Room