Electric Feel- Katy Perry

March 29, 2011


Today was a pretty good day. I got a chance to go to bible study, which was so great. It is amazing to see God working in and through the lives of these girls. I am so glad that I have the opportunity to share life with them, they are so encouraging and all-around beautiful people.


Tune-age: Electric Feel
I thoroughly enjoy this song done by its original artist (MGMT), but I just love Katy's voice and the acoustics in this version. There is something deeper and more emotional about the song minus the electronic sounds. It seems so much more meaningful, like every word is a plea of sorts.


I have no idea what it is with me and songs that don't make lyrical sense, but I sure do know how to pick them. I think I am just going to run with the "electric" part of this song. There are times where I feel like I need a shock to really start experiencing life. Now, it's not to say that life isn't good, but isn't it refreshing sometimes to feel some sort of current? Something that pushes you in a direction? It can be anything, it can be a someone, it can be a comment, but most of the time, it's unexpected. 


Surprises. Not all good at first, but even with the ones that kind of suck, your life takes on an entirely new "feel." A shock to the mundane forces you to move in some way. You can't experience a jolt of energy, that something unexpected and not DO anything. At least, I can't. I think it's in those moments we can find out a little about our character. Am I going to take this in stride and see it as something potentially great and life altering? OR am I going to shut down and short circuit (oh, puns).


Just a thought. And I just love her voice with this song.


Psalm NINETEEN
Hmph. Well, I was trying to figure out where David was headed with this one, when I read verses twelve through fourteen:



"How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
      Cleanse me from these hidden faults.
Keep your servant from deliberate sins!
      Don’t let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt
      and innocent of great sin.
May the words of my mouth
      and the meditation of my heart
   be pleasing to you,
      O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."


How can I know all the sins in my heart? This is something I really need to pray about. I have been struggling recently with matters of the heart. How many times have people told me to "follow your heart" and how good of advice is that? Things I want, aren't necessarily the best things for me. I have talked about a depravity that is heavy on my, well, heart these days. Wanting to be wanted. Inherently not a bad thing, we're made for relationships, but it's how that desire is manifesting itself in my life that's corrosive.


It's kind of a hard thing realizing that my heart is wicked, especially when He knows what those desires are. I am kind of confused on the whole subject. God, You know what I want, but You also know that my heart is deceitful.

Jeremiah 17:9 (The Message): Sin Dios

The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
   a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
   and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
   I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,
   not as they pretend to be."


Vs.

Psalm 37:3-5 (New International Version): Con Dios

Trust in the LORD and do good;
   dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. 
Take delight in the LORD,
   and he will give you the desires of your heart.


I think the disconnect is when I make my desires my idols. That, He puts passions inside of me, so that He can be glorified by my life. I think the balance comes in when I try to align my desires as hopes and dreams, not as expectations. I don't deserve anything good, but I am blessed beyond all reason. God, I pray that I can focus on the person who puts the desires there, instead of the desires themselves. I may not see, the entire messed up motivation behind why I do what I do, but I hope that I can see you. 

"May the words of my mouth

      and the meditation of my heart
   be pleasing to you,
      O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."

Electric Feel

Let It Be- Carol Woods and Timothy T. Mitchum

March 28, 2011

R-O-U-G-H day.

Let It Be

It's going to be my mantra for a while...again. It seems that while following a pattern of putting myself out there only to get the same results, would make me legitimately nutzo. I keep expecting a different outcome, knowing that nothing is going to change. It's a hard thing to realize, and even harder to let go. So, I find some solace in this song.

Let it be. Three simple words, added up only made up of seven letters, but boy, taking a hold of the meaning would completely change my state of mind. I hope that I can, just let whatever it is go, but it seems almost impossible. I hate that I am still talking about this, that it is that much apart of my life. That wherever I go, I can't turn off the wheels in my head that are spinning. It's even harder when you know in your heart of hearts that forgetting is the BEST alternative. 

That being said, good thing there are a lot of trees on this here planet.

Psalm 18

This Psalm was the longest one to date, but I really liked just reading it. Over and over again I am struck by how amazing His love for me is. 

There is a word in the first set of verses that make me envision something cool, but unusual when it comes to thinking about God. In the Message translation of this Psalm, the word crag is used. Now, to be incredibly honest, the reason I have some semblance  of a definition for the word crag is from watching Nickelodeon's GUTZ. There are several spry kids, from different countries, who would compete in a series of somewhat ridiculous, but oh-so-challenging physical and/or mental tasks. At the end, really what all the challenges amounted to was your position on "The Agro-Crag", which simply put, was the most intimidating mound of fake rocks that a tween had ever encountered. Contestants would shudder internally, but rise above and shine. This, crag, was the defining moment. 

Now all of this really long, drawn out explanation of what I see when I read the word crag, is that David says: 

"My God—the high crag 

      where I run for dear life,
      hiding behind the boulders,
      safe in the granite hideout"
Take that super intense, amazingly strong Agro-Crag, and turn it into protection. Not a mountain of fear, but of refuge. God, is big, and that's very understated. God, can seem really intimidating and kind of overwhelming, but all of this, out of all the things we don't understand, we can take heart in the fact that He is for us. He is the "bedrock" of where we put our faith, hopes, dreams, fears, regrets. 


David goes on throughout the Psalm talking of the things that get him down. Yes, in true songwriter's fashion, he plays up the dramatics and eloquently discusses his fears and enemies, but all the while he is acknowledging the greatness and hugeness of God. It's truly a wonderful depiction of how awesome He is. It's encouraging and edifying. A great thing about the Bible, and especially they Old Testament (I think at least), is that you get to see a different side of God's character. I love the promise and hope that the New Testament offers, but in the Old Testament, you can see God working, all the while. Seeing people's faith back then, is that much more refreshing. Jesus was God walking among us, the Holy Spirit is God in us, and in the Old Testament is God setting up to fulfill all of His promises. Three wonderful parts of an equally wonderful God.


The thing about this Psalm, is that there are days when I need to sit back and bask in the greatness of God and see over and over that He's got it. He's got me. 


"Live, God! Blessings from my Rock,
      my free and freeing God, towering!
   This God set things right for me
      and shut up the people who talked back.
   He rescued me from enemy anger,
      he pulled me from the grip of upstarts,
   He saved me from the bullies.
That's why I'm thanking you, God,
      all over the world.
   That's why I'm singing songs
      that rhyme your name.
   God's king takes the trophy;
      God's chosen is beloved.
   I mean David and all his children—
      always." (Psalm 18: 46-50)


Let It Be

Love Lost- The Temper Trap

March 27, 2011

Back in Boone. Sad, but excited all at the same time. He's so great, and music is wonderful.

Love Lost

Oh boy. This song, albeit infectious, is unfortunately the way I am living my life. It's unfortunate because I should have let this go so daggum long ago. The poor proverbial dead horse has been beaten, repeatedly. It has been tarred and feathered and drug through the street. It has been quartered and ground up for dog food. It has been scientifically regenerated so that it can go through the ringer three or four more times. I guess the moral of the story is either I'm super persistent and it will pay off, or I am in for a lot of hurt and wall building.

But, on a less dramatic note, the song is really great. I listened to it on repeat for about half of my drive back from Nashville. I think one of my favorite parts of the song is "I promise." I think it's because I'm looking for that sort of security. I promise I'll take care of you. I promise I care about you. I promise you'll be safe. I promise. I haven't been in this predicament before, but it's a tough one to get out of. 

Seeing someone for who they are. The good and the bad, and pulling for the greatness you know is there. Selfishly, wanting to be the reason they step up, and cynically telling yourself it will never turn out that way. I want this song to come into fruition with a hopeful heart, but my head is all fuddled. 

"Our love was lost, but now we've found it.

In the rubble are all the things

That you've, you've been dreaming of

Keep me in mind

When you're ready

I am here 

To take you every time"

Oh to be twenty and a silly girl. Take your best shot.

Psalm 17

I have kind of been struggling with my prayers recently. I was talking to Amo about this today, there are days where I feel like I am just talking to no one. I mean, I have faith that He is there and that He is listening, but why? I don't have a ton of important things to say. I have my fair share of upsets in the day, but nothing too note worthy. I definitely don't have armies and scary fathers-in-law after me like David.

But then I think, You do listen. All the time, to everything. No matter how ridiculous, small, angry, judgmental, happy, thankful thing I have to say. I am just reminded that You do care and that when You're silent "You are listening, not abandoning" (Bradley Hathaway Silence). And although my enemies may not seem as intimidating and immediate as David's, they are totally out there. Maybe not as much in people, as in temptations.

In Matthew, Jesus teaches the disciples how to go about praying. Not in a theatrical way, as to draw attention, but in a quiet place to focus on the conversation. God, I'm not trying to show off how great at praying I am, but I do need a little help. I know You're there, but at times it would be so reassuring to feel You. I can spurt out cerebral things about You, but it's those times where I am so sure of You, that seem to be lacking. Gah, get me out of my own way. 

Prayer via David (The MSG):

"And me? I plan on looking

      you full in the face. When I get up,

   I'll see your full stature

      and live heaven on earth." Psalm 17: 15

Love Lost

Skinny Love (Das Kapital Rerub)- Bon Iver

March 24-26, 2011

I didn't get a chance to post last night because I am currently in Nashville, Tn. I love this place with my whole heart, and I love the girl who resides here exponentially more! Famous Amos, Amo, or just good ole Amy Lynn. She's one of my best friends and I am so glad that I only live five hours from her, as opposed to the dreadful ten I was last semester. It's been a journey, but I am so thankful that she's in my life, in a big way. Gah! She has no idea how much she means to me. I love you Amo. There are so many things that I am grateful for, that I see in my best friend. She loves in her own way, and those who get to experience her just being herself are few. I am so glad that God has put her in my life, and I hope that we're together for a long time. She better be thinking long term, I've got just the spot for her in my weddin party.

I love you so much Amy Ergle, thank you for letting me be your friend and sleep on your couch. 

Skinny Love (re-re-remix)

This is the remix of Bon Iver's "Skinny Love." I really really like the original, but this one really grows on you after a while. I wasn't sure how I felt about it the first couple times I heard it, but after about my tenth listen, I can't get the beat out of my head. Bum..chh..bum bum...ch. I heard this on Morgan Cogswell's mixtapes, and immediately wanted more and more Bon Iver. Unfortunately for me, I don't have the cash flow for acquiring such things. 

Anywho...the lyrics. The song is off an album that is written for a specific person. (oh to have an album written about me, that may be a scary thing) But there are a couple verses that I really like. 

I was talking with someone about this song and I told them that these lyrics didn't make much sense to me, and he replied with "well they mean something to Bon Iver." I think that's one of the most inadvertently enlightened things I have ever heard. Why? So many times we write off what people say when we don't understand. Just because we have no clue what they mean by what they say, doesn't mean that it isn't important to them or worth listening to. And on that note, how many important things have we let go of or not heard because we were too wrapped up to understand.

The most profound things can come from the most random of places, we just have to be listening closely enough to see their merit.

Psalms 14-16

I was in Nashville this weekend so I didn't really get the chance to write, so I am playing catch up on three Psalms. I am not sure how this is going to go down, but let's see what He does.

14

Psalm 14 is pretty ballsy of David, if I do say so myself. He is attacking the people (believers) around him, and he's not holding back. He's saying that they are trying to be their own gods, the makers of their own destiny. I've said it before, but when i plan my life away, where is there room for God to be Lord of my life...There isn't. But as bleak as David makes it look for those who are not following God's words or even acknowledging that He is speaking to them, He tells those of faith that God's got everything under control. "Is there anyone to save Israel?"

"Yes. God is around, God turns life around.

Turned-around Jacob skips rope.

Turned-around Israel sings laughter." (Psalm 14: 7 The MSG)

Fifteen

David seems to like the party analogy, because he uses it again here. He is asking how to get invited to God's sweet shindig, I don't know who wouldn't want to be invited to that. The next few verses go on to outline what a life lived for God should look like.

 "Walk straight,
      act right,
         tell the truth. Don't hurt your friend,
      don't blame your neighbor;
         despise the despicable. Keep your word even when it costs you,
      make an honest living,
         never take a bribe."

These are all pretty simple things to do, but I do want to reiterate that a life lived like this is one of proof. Proof that I am loved by an amazing savior. We mess up, He knows that, but He calls us to be better than this world. He calls us to be His, and with His help we are. Loved until the ends of time.

Diez y seis

Psalm fifteen was a good segue into Psalm sixteen. David just talked about what a life lived with Him should look like, and goes on to sing about the greatness of the God that loves him.

He is basking in awe of God and what He has done and what He means in his own life. "Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing." Have ever just sat back and been in complete and utter awe of God? Why, yes. Do I do it enough...probably not. If I did, I would smile more and be bolder. Looking at God with eyes that see Him as limitless, really changes how you see day-to-day life. 

Putting Him in a box not only makes Him smaller, but you more unhappy. And living the opposite...well that would just look amazing, full of opportunity, and allows you to see the littlest glimpse of how intense He is.

"I will bless the Lord who guides me;

      even at night my heart instructs me.
 I know the Lord is always with me.

      I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.
      My body rests in safety.
 ¹⁰ For you will not leave my soul among the dead
      or allow your holy one to rot in the grave.
 ¹¹ You will show me the way of life,
      granting me the joy of your presence

      and the pleasures of living with you forever" (Psalm 16: 7-11 NLT)

I'm going to Heaven!

Skinny Love-Rerub

Come Thou Fount- David Crowder

March 23, 2011


It's going to be a long night, but a productive one. It's 11:26 p.m. and I'm just starting to chip away at my work. I'm going to take a break from the Psalms today, I just kind of want to talk about what was discussed in RUF, I'm still going to read Psalm 13, but I kind of want to just talk about what's on my heart too. Then I have a rather large amount of homework to get done.


Come Thou Fount/ Thoughts/ And a tie in of Psalm Thirteen 
Who doesn't love this song? And how long has it been around? Of course to answer these questions I am going to the most reliable source on the interweb, wikipedia, duh. It was written by Robert Robinson (real clever name, eh) who was a Gospel Pastor, in 1757. There's a story surrounding the song and its writer. Robert Robinson was a devout follower of Jesus, but as his life a pastor progressed he ran further and further from God. He wanted to start living his life for Robert and not for God, so he went to the place where he could live without any restraints...Gay Paree. 


Robert squandered away his life and love with bad choices and women of questionable morals, until one day he was riding around town with a woman. This woman could have been an employee of the red-light district or just a friend of Robert's. Either way she was humming the tune to "Come Thou Fount." At this point in his life, he thought he had gone pretty far from God, to the point that he was a lost cause. The woman asked him if he'd ever heard the song, he said that he was the one who had written it, and that he longed to be back in a position where that song could apply. The woman quoted "streams of mercy, never ceasing" and told Robert that His streams of mercy were still flowing and were in Paris just waiting on Robert to notice.


Now, mind you, this account may or may not be true, but it goes along with an important thing that I was able to rerealize; repentance is what our lives are defined as. I am definitely not going to take any of the credit for the words that will follow, so thank you Matt and thank You, God, for speaking to me everyday in so many ways.


Thoughts...
There are a lot of things that are out of my control, but control is something I think we all struggle and strive for. Over the littlest things, whatever we can. I think, for me, it's an effort to save myself. If I decide to do things my way, at least I am the one who is to blame. I messed up, I didn't do the right thing, I'm the one who has to fix whatever. There's a lot of me in those assumptions and not a lot of God.  It's by He, and He alone that I am here and that I am saved. If I was the one in charge of salvation I, for the lack of a better term, would be screwed. I think the more I make attempts at "fixing" things, just make things worse. 


Thank goodness for a savior. I heard that "Sin is man (Annie-Grace) substituting himself (myself) for God" and "Salvation is God substituting Himself for man (Annie-Grace)"...umm WOW. The control I take over my life is me telling God that "Hey, I can figure this out a little better than You can." Which, I can honestly say, could be no further from the truth. I am so glad that I have a Savior whose affections never alter in fervor. I am I letting Him be the Lord of my life? I sure hope so. 


I think it goes back to what I wrote about a couple days ago, do I believe that Jesus is who He says He is? If I do, how would that manifest itself in my life? What would I look like? I realize we have responsibilities, but we are not the makers and perfecters of our salvation, He is. And how much pressure does that relieve? A TON! I can be 100% secure in the fact that my life is with Him, that out of His love and goodness He died for me. Knowing that I mess up...a significant amount. That kind of love, unconditional, is hard to comprehend, but I want to take hold of it. 


Living a life in that love can completely change how I view Him and my faith. Matt said something tonight that really struck a chord, "I am not obedient to be saved, but my obedience is PROOF I am saved."So, my repentance is not out of guilt, but out of knowing that I will be accepted back into His arms, every. single. time.


God, I want to love You like this, and hold onto the fact that You love me like this. I want to thank You for always having Your ams wide, wide open when I come running home.


Psalm 13: 5-6 (NLT)
⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love.
      I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
 ⁶ I will sing to the Lord
      because he is good to me


Come Thou Fount

Too Dramatic- Ra Ra Riot

March 22, 2011


My teeth hurt a lot, so I'm sticking to softer foods. It's kind of a limiting diet and it's getting old real fast. I'm popping ibuprofen like it's candy, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. I am getting into my labs a lot, so I am glad for that source of motivation. 


Too Dramatic- aka what I have been the past few days
It's true, I have been way too melodramatic the past four or five days. The littlest things make me feel like my world is crashing down. I know it's a problem because, well, I've noticed it as a problem. I know that there are things that can get me down, and I am my worst critic. I think pretty much everyone can relate, but there are so many more important things. So what my hair is incredibly short, at least I have/ had hair to chop off. And braces, I'm done pity partying with those things. They were self-inflicted because I didn't like the gap in my teeth, at least I have parents that are willing to pay for them. 


I literally don't have to worry about anything. I am so undeniably blessed, but all I can focus on is the things that are going wrong or that I am not fond of. I'm too dramatic. Here I go again, turning over that leaf again. Good thing there are lots of forests, I have a feeling I'll be turning over a lot more before I'm through.


Thanks for that. Adios theatrics!


Psalm 12
I am not sure if what I am about to write is necessarily what David had in mind when he was writing this, but this is what I am taking. People choose their words carefully, and that isn't a bad thing at all. But when words are calculated, that's where I feel the sin can creep up. I am so guilty of this!


Sarcasm, wit, just trying to sound intelligent. How many times have my words gotten me into trouble. And even more, how many times have I rethought sentences to make myself look like I am a cut above the rest, verbally? And how many times have You warned against it? I use words to hide behind, words to make myself feel better, use words to make people feel worse, use them in an effort to make someone laugh. I wonder the percentage of the time my words are used for edifying and encouraging. I don't want to be saved by my wit or by my words, the words that did that were "it is finished" and it is. Thank You.


His words, on the other hand, is "flawless." And even better than that His Word, saved us. Since the beginning the Word was there, and will be forever and ever. 


Words are powerful things, sometimes even more powerful than we could ever imagine. We have the ability to uplift or tear down. To glorify ourselves, or to sing of His glory forever. What do my words say about me, what to they say about Him? 



^"18 The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
   but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
 ¹⁹Truthful lips endure forever,
   but a lying tongue lasts only a moment." Proverbs 12: 18-19


Too Dramatic

Laundry Room- The Avett Brothers

March 21, 2011


Laundry Room
The Avett Brothers are one of those bands that every song they make is great. I have three of their albums and each one is a wonderful compilation of songs. Their sounds is unique and their lyrics are fun. And this song in particular kind of shows where I feel I have been before. 


"Last night I dreamt the whole night long
I awoke with a head full of songs
I spent the whole day
I wrote 'em down, but it's a shame
Tonight I'll burn the lyrics
'Cause every chorus was your name"


Trying to get that one person out of your head is hard to do. Taking it day by day makes it easier, though. 


Psalm 11
This one ends great "Once we're standing tall, we can look Him straight in the eye" (The Message). He's the one that sets us right and He's the one who puts us in that position to be able to look at Him.


This Psalm is telling of God's character and I really enjoy the break from David. God is just, He loves, and He Is our strength. I can't think of a better way to write it than David did, and I just want to go back and reread it.


 ¹IN THE Lord I take refuge [and put my trust]; how can you say to me, Flee like a bird to your mountain?
    ²For see, the wicked are bending the bow; they make ready their arrow upon the string, that they [furtively] in darkness may shoot at the upright in heart.
    ³If the foundations are destroyed, what can the [unyieldingly] righteous do, or what has He [the Righteous One] wrought or accomplished?
    ⁴The Lord is in His holy temple; the Lord's throne is in heaven. His eyes behold; His eyelids test and prove the children of men.
    ⁵The Lord tests and proves the [unyieldingly] righteous, but His soul abhors the wicked and him who loves violence.
    ⁶Upon the wicked He will rain quick burning coals or snares; fire, brimstone, and a [dreadful] scorching wind shall be the portion of their cup.
    ⁷For the Lord is [rigidly] righteous, He loves righteous deeds; the upright shall behold His face, or He beholds the upright. (Psalm 11 Amplified Bible)


Laundry Room

Fed To Death- Say Anything

March 20, 2011


It's been a dang good day! I am adjusting to life one step closer to a 12 year old rather well, and tomorrow's the big day for braces, dude, I'm going to be single for a while. Anyway, it's been a really great day. I "Just Danced 2" for about two hours and I am sad to say that I am sore. I am planning on running every day this week. I am meeting with an advisor and hopefully hearing back from lab opportunities. It's going to be a great week. Thank You so much for that. Friends, family, and You all the time. 


Fed To Death
Man, it took longer than I expected to put a Say Anything song up here, and this isn't even one of the ones I listen to the most. I don't know what it is about this song, but I just don't want it to end. I want it to be longer. It just sounds so cool. 


Me and Max Bemis have had a wonderful relationship. We first met in tenth grade, we were introduced by one of my close friends of the time, and unfortunately only Maxy-poo and I still remain close. I have seen Say Anything live two glorious times, and I can't wait for the day that I get to see them again. They are probably my favorite band, and that's kind of surprising. And in a weird way, their music makes me want to be better, and see God working in really intense ways.


Max is Jewish, I think, but throughout the band's albums has gotten closer to forming his own relationship with the Big Guy. There's a song on their self-titled album that sounds like kind of has gotten to the point where he acknowledges God. When I listened to the song, I got really happy. In a strange way, I felt more connected to the music and to God. I  may never actually meet Max, but given his background and seeing where he seems to be now, is amazing. Don't underestimate the power of God, especially since He's got a plan. And we all fit into it in random (to us) but perfect (to Him of course) ways. 


Ok, this was more about the band than the song, but I do love them. And this song is great.


Numero Diez!
I really like the Message version of this Psalm. It's got some really intense parts in it. In the beginning David is asking God if He is avoiding him (thank goodness for capitalization or that sentence would have been so much more confusing). There have been so many times that I have thought that I have been abandoned by God. So many times where I find myself asking Him " Where the heck are you? Why am I feeling so alone?" I know that there are other things You have to worry about, but I'm hurting here, like people are out to get me and I can't see or hear or feel You anywhere. Am I supposed to do this on my own?


No. I'm not. You are there the whole time. You have a funny way of getting Your point across and I want to say thank You for that. How many times have I felt like I have been left to fend for myself, or felt insurmountable pain and thought You nowhere to be found, when the whole time You were there, keeping me safe. I've heard that You only allow as much as we can handle to happen, and I want to say I appreciate the confidence and the pain. 


Pain is necessary for me to realize that I need You, and the way You do it is not in an overbearing "I am so much better than you" sort of way, but it's out of love. And You never let me fall past the point where You can catch me. I have been given a unique set of experiences that shape my love and relationship with You. And the most wonderful thing about each experience, is that I get to see You, parts of Your goodness, faithfulness, love. Thank You. 


With the pain comes a promise, and this is something I want to hold on to and own. All of the things that I go through, all of the hard times here, are no match for how great Heaven will be. In Your time, everything will be redeemed. Everything will be set right. I want to thank You for this promise:


Psalm 10: 17-18
"The victim's faint pulse picks up;
the hearts of the hopeless pump red blood
as you put your ear to their lips. 
Orphans get parents, 
the homeless get homes. 
The reign of terror is over, 
the rule of the gang lords is ended."

Fed To Death

Cowboy Take Me Away- Dixie Chicks

March 19, 2011

These times, they are a changing. It was a beautiful day outside today, and I am so glad that spring is hitting Boone (as much as it can). Light sweaters, flip flops, and shorts are going to be all the rage in the up coming week. And where will I be? Sporting a new hair cut by chance or maybe kicking it way old school (middle school to be exact) with a top row of braces. It's going to be a week of adjusting. Adjusting to the loss of hair, addition of metal, and hopefully, an acquisition of some self-confidence. I mean I'm going to need to dig deep and still be o.k. looking like I belong in pre-algebra and not Bio II.

Here's to change.

The song: Cowboy Take Me Away
So many things are right about this song. The voices, the instruments, the lyrics. What girl doesn't want to be transported to a land far away with the guy she's supposed to be with forever? I know I do! I have thought a lot about what that would be like, I think a lot of girls and women do. It's hard not to, it's like we're wired that way. And I don't think it's wrong to want those things. But it's hard not focusing on finding them.

I have been single for about a year now, I mean I haven't been involved with anything serious. It's a weird adjustment, and even weirder how not weird it is. I find missing things that I wasn't sure I would miss, I guess stuff I took for granted when I had a boyfriend. I miss the companionship of the whole thing. Having someone to tell everything to, and who actually kind of wanted to know all of it. Having someone to hang out with pretty much all the time. Having someone to plan the day, week, forever with. I think that's one of the weirdest things, not being sure about the future. I'm not saying that I had it all figured out when I was dating someone, but there was one less piece of the puzzle I had to work out. He was just there and was going to be for as long as forever lasted. Making those plans were easy and certain. Giving that up, was like giving up my future. It's hard to plan all that and then realize none of it is going to happen that way, at least in any way you imagined.

I have heard all of the cliches, "There's someone for everyone" or "It'll happen when you least expect it." Does that mean I have to stop wanting it to happen? I have to be totally fine thinking I'm going to be golden by myself? Do I have to convince myself it won't work out for it to come to fruition? I don't want that! I understand there is a contentedness in Him people need, and He is my number one, that's most of the reason I am single. We weren't good for my relationship with God. I want and hope that I am focusing on God and building a great relationship with Him. But I do want someone to love me in a tangible way. Lord, I hope You have someone out there for me. And that he is looking just as hard as I am.

Psalm: Nueve
David starts out real strong with this one. Thank goodness, I was getting tired of hearing how bad he has it. He offers up praises of how great God is, he seems to be genuinely happy to talk to Him. This goes all the way until verse twelve and then he starts being David again.

It kills me how much I am like David. He can see the greatness and beauty of God for like a split second and then lose it to what's in front of him. He goes from saying how amazing the Lord is, to reminding God that he has all these enemies that are after him. Geez, God, I am sorry that I do this. I make every conversation we have about me and what's going on with me. "Hey God, You're great, wonderful, beautiful! I can see you everywhere and You are the reason that I have a chance to experience today. Speaking of me, do You see how terrible my life is? School is lame, I'm fat, I have no direction, and I'm lonely. Me, Me, Me." I'm sorry, for real. You give me so much more a reason to sing Your name than need be, yet I still find time to plug my problems.

I know that You want to hear about my life, and those things that I am going through are things you care about, but I want our talks to be more than just about what I am unhappy with or need help with. You pour out blessings everywhere and I want to thank You for all of the great things that You, and only You have given me. I know that You're always there, but do I thank You? I know that You love me, but do I verbalize it to You enough? I know it's not about what I do or say, but I do appreciate You. I do want to know about You too.

Help me to stop monopolizing our conversations, God teach me to listen and be with You instead of just talking all the dang time.

Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, and you need only to be silent"

Cowboy Take Me Away

The Gardener- The Tallest Man on Earth

March 18, 2011


It's officially been a week! The last two days have been a struggle, maybe it's because my motives for writing have clouded. I want this to be for me and Him. I want to have this be a chance to talk to Him and journal and just let it all out. I appreciate readers, but you're not the reason I am writing. 


That being said, thanks God for the wonderful weather. I have realized more and more that I need to have confidence to make decisions. The smallest ones become the biggest chores. Do I want to cut my hair, what am I doing this summer, what am I doing next semester, what am I doing with my life. I think I want to cut my hair to do something completely different, get rid of nine or so inches of the past. 


THE GARDENER
This was the first song that I listened to from The Tallest Man on Earth and I have to say it is still one of my favorites. I love his voice, the instruments, and the lyrics that don't make sense to me. As random as they seem to me, they all still fit so well. Just everything about how I feel when I listen to this song makes it wonderful. I have run to it so many times. I have driven around Ocala to it so many times. I have walked around outside to it so many times.


The song kind of makes me want to adventure. Go out and find a new place or look at the place I'm in a little differently. Sitting outside in some grass, sippin lemonade, barefoot. I think this is a picture that will be so artfully painted tomorrow. Great music, great weather, and awe for an even greater God.


Step outside and experience the Son.


Psalm Eight
Goodness, He has a way about Him. Doesn't He? This Psalm goes pretty well with how I commonly experience God's presence.


People have been asking me a lot lately, and it's completely understandable, why I decided to move to North Carolina. I have a couple of different answers, but a lot of the reason I moved is that Boone is so geographically different than Ocala or Orlando. I love Florida, please do not get me wrong. The beach is one of my favorite places on the planet, and when I am home, well I can't really describe the feeling. But Boone and North Carolina in general has so many ways to see His handiwork. Just take a look at the mountains and it puts how small you are in to perspective. I think seeing the sun go down behind a mountain is one of the prettiest things I have ever witnessed. 


It doesn't just put my size to scale, but also it makes God seem unimaginably big. These mountains are huge, and they aren't even the most impressive ones that are on the face of the planet. A God that placed them on the map has to be at least big enough to pick them up and put them there. Those are giant hands! 


"I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,
      your handmade sky-jewelry,
   Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
      Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
   Why do you bother with us?
      Why take a second look our way?" (Psalm 8: 3-4)


Why take a second look our way? It's crazy to think the God that created this vast and various landscape took the time to make me as intricately has He did. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! That's what He does with us. And He trusts us enough to put us in charge of it. We get the chance to wake up and experience the gifts He has given us with, the ones He entrusted us with. Those big ole hands that made the earth are holding us so tight. 


I'll say it again: Step outside and experience the Son. 

The Gardener

Vesuvius- Sufjuan Stevens

March 17, 2011


Happy St. Patty's Day! I feel like I have just been running off steam for the past couple days. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I haven't gotten too much sleep and that I have literally walked the metaphorical pants off Boone. I must have walked close to five miles yesterday and about three today, and all of that is on top of the exercise I have been doing. I'm pooped, and ready for Friday. To be completely honest, I am making myself write the entry for today out of obligation and guilt. Guilt that if I didn't do it today, I wouldn't have really spent any time in the Word. So, I hope that He and I still have a productive time.  I need to focus. 


A big volcano: Vesuvius
I have been kind of obsessed with this song for about two months, it already has thirty-eight iTunes plays, and that doesn't count the near five hundred CD plays it's had. Other than having an interesting name, Sufjuan (pronounced Su-fee-yawn) has an interesting style. It uses a lot of fabricated sounds, those being the ones that don't come from traditional instruments (look at me making up musical terms, and convincing myself the are true...I am so tried).  


I have been staring at the lyrics for about twenty minutes, reading about what people think he actually says, and perusing the potential meanings of the song. Some say the actual volcano and some say it's about much, much more. It's about the "Fire of Fire." Fire, back in the day was one of the most powerful things and God is referred to as the Lord of Lords, so the fact that there might be a little more to the song that ash and lava isn't that silly. Especially since Sufjan is a fan of the Big Man. Even with the lyrics hashed out, it doesn't make a lot of sense. But there is a part that I can relate to. 


There is a part in the song where he talks to himself in the third person, "Sufjuan follow the path...Sufjan follow your heart." There are two things that can be going on here. One is that he may be self motivating or two, it could be someone else talking to him. In one of the interpretations they think that Sufjan is struggling with "walking the straight and narrow." Living his life out as a Christian isn't going as smoothly as he'd hoped, and he's at a crossroads. To follow what he knows is right, or to follow what is easy. The reference of his name in the third person, could be the Holy Spirit motivating him to keep going. "You got it kid!" I think that may be it, because the lyrics go:

"In your breast
I carry the form
The heart of the Earth
And the weapons of warmth"

And that's where He is, in my h-e-a-r-t and that's who keeps me going. Maybe this song has been with me for a while so I can substitute Annie-Grace in for Sufjan. 

"Vesuvius

Fire of Fire

Fall on me now

As I favor the Ghost"

Seven

I've decided against changing it. This is where I was last night. Here is a part that I did read and wanted to leave here:

"I will give to the Lord the thanks due to His rightness and justice, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High"

He loves us, even though we deserve the exact opposite. It's a free gift. Take advantage of it. Build a relationship with it. Stake your life on it.

Vesuvius

Postcards from Hell- The Wood Brothers

March 16, 2011


I did it! I went to Rydell, and now I want to learn even more! Earl Scruggs, The Kruger Brothers, and Abigail Washburn; just to name a few. The sound is so great, and there are so many different types of them. But the only downside is that they are pretty darn expensive. I just need a patron of the arts, I can pay them back in sweet, melodic tunes. Today was an all around good day a visit from an old friend, lots of walking, banjo talking, and braces in the works. And RUF was great tonight, God does so much in one day and this is just my little ole life.


Song: Postcards from Hell
Okie doke, so the title of the song might throw you off a little bit, considering that I'm all about Jesus, but I have to say that lyrically it's great. The chorus is just a repetition of "I've got a soul that I won't sell." The song is about a guy who is apparently really good at singing his blues, so much so he "sings like a choir girl" and he "uses the breeze as a telephone wire."This guy is so good that he uses the wind to sing to you! The man who the song is about can take you anywhere with his music, an alley, on a freight train, or to a church. But never sells out.


Two things about this song that I want to point out. One, is my interpretation of the verses. This guy can take you places and connect with you on incredible levels. He can sound as sweet as a choir girl or as fierce as to burn down a house. Isn't this what music is supposed to do? Move us? Take us to places that we would otherwise not have been able to journey (maybe that's why the band got its name). And my next question will lead me to point numero dos. Isn't that what a lot of popular music lacks? I am not begrudging anyone their musical preferences, but we all have to admit that there are different levels of success and of talent. Some view success on money and how recognizable something is, others see it as being completely happy. Talent is also subjective...and here I need to ask forgiveness for being mean to the person I was about to put in parentheses. But really, I think that once you put a price on something, it automatically cheapens it and it's not really yours anymore.


Let's take Bob (my hypothetical trendy musician guy), he loves playing the spoons. He's got a pretty solid following of people and he plays because he loves it. Simply put, it makes him happy. Bob doesn't make a lot of money playing the spoons, but he kind of enjoys smaller venues, especially the fact that he can play on his terms. Well, Bob gets heard by major music executives looking for cutlery players and sky rockets to the top of the charts, for the low low price of giving up all creative rights. Bob has a choice, he can keep playing the music he wants to play or he can play what the executives and "public" want. He also has to use hokey tactics and crazy antics to get people to listen, somewhere along the way he loses the joy for the spoons, and wonders why it didn't feel the same. OR he could keep playing cause he loves it and be broke. I am definitely not saying that playing music for money is bad, I guess it's about moderation. Life's defined by unseen motivations, maybe unseen even to the person making choices. Why do I do what I do? Do I repost cards from Hell?


Psalm Seis
I've said this a bunch today, to various people, David is super complainy. I am kind of getting to the point where I could be classified as mildly annoyed, and it's only the sixth Psalm! David is constantly asking to be paid attention to, for his enemies to be thwarted, for his kingdom to prosper, blah blah blah. Grow up and be a man, man! This was how I felt the majority of the day, especially after I read this last one. But then, I thought about it a little more (or could feel God softening my heart a little more) and started to not only sympathize for David, but also start to relate a little bit.


How much are my prayers to God really just "why me's" or "it's not fair that"? Am I really talking to Him, or am I just laundry listing all the things that are wrong, how many hardships I go through, how my life is so much less than someone who has x,y, and z? To be entirely honest, they aren't praises, they aren't even requests. Hello gift horse, I can't see you, I happen to be looking at a lot of teeth at the moment. Fortunately for me life does a good job at living out life isn't fair. Why fortunately? Cause if it was, I'd be a goner. He's a just God, but He is also graceful and merciful. And in the end of all the Psalms so far, He's always come through victorious. That's what He does, is win, no matter what.


I think what a lot of this is evidence for why we need a savior. I heard something today in RUF that hit home. We can waiver with our faith and still be 100% A O.K. Why? Weak faith in a strong Savior, saves you. The fact that David is even saying this to God is proof enough that even though David doesn't "see" God working, that he has small enough faith in a more than enough God (Luke 17: 6) to complain to Him about it.


This was kind of tangenty, but His love and affection never waiver. We may try to find other solutions, try and increase our faith, or just be upset with Him. God won't change the way He feels about us, and that is still a love worth dying for. So, thank you, God, for being as great as You are and making life not fair.


Postcards from Hell