Love Lost- The Temper Trap

March 27, 2011

Back in Boone. Sad, but excited all at the same time. He's so great, and music is wonderful.

Love Lost

Oh boy. This song, albeit infectious, is unfortunately the way I am living my life. It's unfortunate because I should have let this go so daggum long ago. The poor proverbial dead horse has been beaten, repeatedly. It has been tarred and feathered and drug through the street. It has been quartered and ground up for dog food. It has been scientifically regenerated so that it can go through the ringer three or four more times. I guess the moral of the story is either I'm super persistent and it will pay off, or I am in for a lot of hurt and wall building.

But, on a less dramatic note, the song is really great. I listened to it on repeat for about half of my drive back from Nashville. I think one of my favorite parts of the song is "I promise." I think it's because I'm looking for that sort of security. I promise I'll take care of you. I promise I care about you. I promise you'll be safe. I promise. I haven't been in this predicament before, but it's a tough one to get out of. 

Seeing someone for who they are. The good and the bad, and pulling for the greatness you know is there. Selfishly, wanting to be the reason they step up, and cynically telling yourself it will never turn out that way. I want this song to come into fruition with a hopeful heart, but my head is all fuddled. 

"Our love was lost, but now we've found it.

In the rubble are all the things

That you've, you've been dreaming of

Keep me in mind

When you're ready

I am here 

To take you every time"

Oh to be twenty and a silly girl. Take your best shot.

Psalm 17

I have kind of been struggling with my prayers recently. I was talking to Amo about this today, there are days where I feel like I am just talking to no one. I mean, I have faith that He is there and that He is listening, but why? I don't have a ton of important things to say. I have my fair share of upsets in the day, but nothing too note worthy. I definitely don't have armies and scary fathers-in-law after me like David.

But then I think, You do listen. All the time, to everything. No matter how ridiculous, small, angry, judgmental, happy, thankful thing I have to say. I am just reminded that You do care and that when You're silent "You are listening, not abandoning" (Bradley Hathaway Silence). And although my enemies may not seem as intimidating and immediate as David's, they are totally out there. Maybe not as much in people, as in temptations.

In Matthew, Jesus teaches the disciples how to go about praying. Not in a theatrical way, as to draw attention, but in a quiet place to focus on the conversation. God, I'm not trying to show off how great at praying I am, but I do need a little help. I know You're there, but at times it would be so reassuring to feel You. I can spurt out cerebral things about You, but it's those times where I am so sure of You, that seem to be lacking. Gah, get me out of my own way. 

Prayer via David (The MSG):

"And me? I plan on looking

      you full in the face. When I get up,

   I'll see your full stature

      and live heaven on earth." Psalm 17: 15

Love Lost